no luck for baby # 5..

REDHA..that's the best word for me. To Him we surrender.

Alhamdulillah, God gave us 4 wonderful-but-can-sometimes-make-your-blood-boils kiddos..hehee..for us to give the bottomless love, care and giving the best possible education, both dunia and akhirat, Insyaallah. DH wanted baby #5, but i was 50-50 with the idea. But long story became short, I agreed and we tried after we came back from Umrah. I was lucky that I was proved preggy after 2 sticks of UPT (clearblue was very accurate and never failed me) showed (+) lines. I was happy. tipu la kalo x happy kan..but it was a mixed feelings. well, it's not easy for any parents to care for 4 growing kids, but I wanted to give it a go. I fell inlove with my baby bump (eventho it's not showing juz yet) and started craving (dunno whether it's because of the small thing growing in my belly or it's me who wanted to eat like a guinea p*g. haha)...

I got my tummy scanned twice. I wasn't being very confident this time. In between docs meet ups, I had spotting. very light spotting. I had a miscarriage 8 years ago and I certainly had a bad feelings about this one. But I ALWAYS du'a in my prayers, if this is my 'rezqi', 'please keep him/her for me'. but deep in my heart, my du'a went like this : "If this one doesn't belong to us, muga dipermudahkan segalanya. Ya Allah". Then, my next scan proved It wasn't for us. The baby stopped growing at 5 weeks +. I went to see the doc all by myself (very independent wife, I must admit) and i dealt with my emotion calmly and wisely. I immediately called DH and told him what happened and doc's opinion. We prepared ourselves for this and decided to proceed with the D&C as suggested by the doc. So, there was I on Saturday morning at the Medical Centre waiting for my gynae to perform a D&C.  Alhamdulillah, everything went well despite I was too weak after the procedure due to my, hormone, not so young body, old age :))). But I got on my feet back again in the nick of time. Alhamdulillah.

Compared to the first miscarriage 8 years ago, I was so, so devastated that i went to the hospital toilet and broke down. I cried and cried like nobody's business. Because at that time, I only had Nurin and Adam and they were already big, and I wanted another baby to complete Yusri's clan. After 3 months, we started trying again, and we had our smooth 3rd pregnancy and we had Sofie Arisyah (now 7yo) like we wanted. And 3 years after, Khadija Adelyna came into our lives. Alhamdulillah. But for this one, at the moment, I must say, I am happy with 4 but we never know what He has in store for us. so, let the time heals and we'll see how it goes :) 

As for now, am starving, and all I can think is this yummy-gorgeous looking-grilled chicken and creamy corn, and with a big smile on my face and be happy!!! :)

 

 stay tune for more dy's stories :)))